Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Filmmaking is entering into a new era, with desperate producers trying to build tentpoles from apps and memes as the well of intellectual property continues to dry. This trend reached its inevitable nadir with the release of The Emoji Movie, a movie our own Vadim Rizov described asInside Out crossed with a Sony commercial and dunked in toxic ooze.”

If the whole thing is leaving you feeling lethargic and uninspired, here’s a little comfort. Right at the top of the latest video from YouTube’s Hydraulic Press Channel, a man with a deliciously rich accent informs us that, “Today, we’re going to crush some emojis.” And crush emoji he does—emoji with heart eyes, emoji with shades, and emoji laughing so hard they’re crying, all of them succumbing to the pressure of this machine.

Since emoji don’t, you know, exist, the man crushes novelty emoji alongside handcrafted ones—“My wife has made some of these”—and some “chocolate shit” donated to the channel from a company called Crap By Mail. The results are devastating, especially when the emoji are filled with “surprises” provided by the team behind the camera.


Truly, though, it’s impossible to imagine any child could enjoy The Emoji Movie as much as these people enjoy watching the smug-ass things get utterly eradicated. “Did you see the eyes?!” the team cries with breathless elation after the poop emoji are devastated. Joy is infectious, people.

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