There’s something about the words “Access Hollywood has learned” that engenders knee-jerk skepticism—it’s kind of like the entertainment journalism version of “This kid at school told me”—but okay: Access Hollywood has learned that Elton John recently turned down a $33 million offer to replace Simon Cowell on American Idol. Unfortunately, neither Fox nor John’s reps have offered any comment confirming or denying that such an offer was ever made, nor was it ever made clear whether that $33 million (which would pretty much just cover John’s gladiola budget) was for a single season or a multiyear contract. Adding some credence to this story is that John did serve a brief stint as a guest judge on Idol Season Three—but come on. The man wrote “Daniel” and “Rocket Man” for fuck’s sake. There’s simply no amount of money that can justify his having to sit next to Kara DioGuardi while she begs America to like her week after week.