The grand Shakespearean saga of The Interview’s terrorist-threatened release is practically over, which means it’s time for hard-hitting news outlets to find something equally worthwhile to talk about. Or, better yet, let’s all check in on Screech from Saved By The Bell. He’s probably been up to some interesting stuff.

Well, according to Milwaukee’s Fox affiliate, he actually just got arrested for allegedly stabbing somebody in a bar with a switchblade. This is just the sort of wacky situation that Screech and his best buddy Zack Morris would get into back in the day, with the two of them eventually putting together some kind of wacky scheme to finally get Mr. Belding off their backs. But no, this is a serious situation and a guy in Wisconsin really got stabbed. Plus, as far as we know, Mr. Belding isn’t involved at all.

The way Diamond tells it, he was in a bar on the day after Christmas with his girlfriend when a group of people started “behaving in a rude and insulting manner.” This prompted him—being a respectable former child star who only made the one sex tape—to think he should get out of there. As he prepared to pay for his drinks, he turned and realized his girlfriend was bleeding and some men were holding her hair. Then somebody grabbed him, and the tip of Diamond’s concealed “stiletto folding knife with a 3.75-inch blade” somehow found its way into the man’s side. The man apparently didn’t know he had been stabbed until he noticed the “substantial bleeding,” but police say the wound is “not life-threatening.”

Diamond has been charged with second-degree recklessly endangering safety, carrying a concealed weapon, and use of a dangerous weapon, but he’s claiming he acted in self-defense. TMZ has footage of Diamond doing something behind an enormous TMZ logo, which may or may not be him in a bar where he allegedly stabbed somebody, and we’ve embedded it below:

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‘Saved By the Bell’ Star Dustin Diamond — Screech Arrested For Allegedly Stabbing Man With a Switchblade - Watch More Celebrity Videos or Subscribe