Continuing a bizarre pattern of prejudice that has colored the franchise since its inception, the next Star Wars movie has been confirmed to film once again inside London’s historic Pinewood Studios—and not in Duluth, Minnesota, a perfectly nice American town. Pinewood CEO Ivan Dunleavy made the announcement at the annual Confederation of Business Industry conference, boasting, “The seventh Star Wars movie just finished shooting at Pinewood. And I’m delighted to be able to tell you that a new Star Wars movie is already booked in.” His words were considered a direct affront to the fine people of Duluth, who have patiently waited decades for England to quit hogging all the Star Wars.
The Hollywood Reporter confirmed that Dunleavy was referring to the first Star Wars spinoff, to be directed by Gareth Edwards, and not the follow-up to J.J. Abrams’ Star Wars: The Force Awakens, But Not In Duluth, Because Fuck That Place. And while this certainly leaves the door open for Rian Johnson to make things right with Star Wars Episode VIII: The Force Has Heard Good Things About This “San Francisco Of The Midwest,” for the moment Dunleavy relished rubbing Duluth’s collective nose in it—even welcoming R2D2 to the stage, then officially claiming him for the Queen. “R2D2 was built in the U.K. 37 years ago,” Dunleavy said. “Since then, he’s spent a lot of his life in foreign studios. But now he’s back home.” R2D2 then proved his loyalty to the crown by emitting a series of beeps and whistles, which could loosely be translated as insults aimed at Duluth’s arts scene.
Likely contributing to Pinewood’s continued association with Star Wars is the fact that it’s a huge production facility that’s been home to numerous blockbuster films over the decades since it was founded, with numerous state-of-the-art soundstages and acres of backlots available. On the other hand, Duluth has some really cool bridges, some truly breathtaking locations for hiking and fishing, and America’s only all-freshwater aquarium. It is also the birthplace of Bob Dylan, the obvious inspiration for Star Wars character Sy Snootles. All told, it’s an out-of-this-world city that has somehow yet to be incorporated into the Star Wars universe.
In response to being snubbed by Star Wars yet again, the citizens of Duluth stoically went about their lives and pretended to not even know or care about it, as is the Duluth way.