The New York Times reported yesterday that Duck Dynasty is being adapted into a musical, sending shock waves across Manhattan until people realized that it would be a Vegas musical, not a Broadway one, at which point they all sighed with relief and said “yeah, that sounds about right.” But there will be Broadway people involved, as the Robertson family has bravely put aside its feelings on homosexuality in order to do business with the historically sodomite-friendly community.

The result is The Duck Commander Family Musical, a multimedia spectacle combining video of the Robertsons hunting, family anecdotes (at least half of which are expected to involve ATVs), and what the Times refers to as a “14-song score that mixes country, blues and show tunes,” beginning with the opening number “Faith, Food, And Family.” About the music, composter Steven Norris says, “I think the expectation is that it’ll be all chicken-pickin’ stuff and banjos, but what we’re trying to do is pull out as much heart, humor and sincerity as we can to keep people surprised.”

Advertisement

Producer Michael David says he hasn’t thought about moving the show to New York, which is probably for the best, although The Duck Commander Family Musical will face its own set of challenges in Las Vegas. The Times speculates that the evangelical Christians who make up much of the Robertson’s fan base may be hesitant to visit the modern-day Sodom and Gomorrah to see a musical developed by some fancy boys from fake America, even if it’s about Duck Dynasty. In other words, expect The Duck Commander Family Musical to open in Branson—where they really should have staged it to begin with—some time in the next three to five years.