In the same weekend that saw Donald Trump’s life reportedly threatened by fugitive drug cartel leader Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman, the entrepreneur and owner of the world’s smallest auburn putting green was the subject of stinging words from another known enemy. Trump’s incendiary and distressingly popular campaign for the White House has drawn the ire of David “El Hombre Del Letra” Letterman, who disappeared from public view in May after retiring from his post at the head of the Late Show humor operation.

Emerging onstage in San Antonio, Letterman offered vague hints about his previous whereabouts, then proceeded to deliver 10 threats to Trump’s presidential legitimacy. Disguised by a silvery beard and backed by longtime supporters Steve Martin and Martin Short (two of the infamous Three Amigos), Letterman fired off jabs like “No. 8: Donald Trump looks like the guy in the life boat with the women and children,” offering no less than four jokes about “that thing on [Trump’s] head.”


So far, Trump has yet to relay these menacing statements to the FBI—as he did with the tweets supposedly sent by Guzman—but federal authorities are not his preferred method for dealing with such wise-cracking nuisances. The owner of the classiest escalators, the most ethnically insensitive political campaigns, and the best paid rally attendees prefers to take matters of laughter seriously—in a court of law, for millions of dollars if he can. [The New York Times]