"Bro, I'm telling you, you need to spark a bowl whenever Amnesiac comes on." (Photo illustration: Nick Wanserski)

People are slowly waking up to the facts that dolphins are kind of terrible. In addition to their gross sexual practices, the water-bound mammals are basically bros with flippers—the jocks of the sea, if you will. And while that may have formerly meant they listened to a lot of 311, or maybe that one awful Chili Peppers album, the 21st century has seen jocks advance their musical vocabulary. Sadly, Radar Online reports dolphins have stumbled upon their older sister’s record collection, and the obnoxious swimmers now enjoy a new musical favorite: Radiohead.

Siegfried & Roy’s Secret Garden and Dolphin Habitat at the Mirage Hotel in Las Vegas has revealed their mammalian denizens have a preference for Thom Yorke and Co.’s music—and one song in particular. “Our dolphins seem to really resonate with Radiohead music, and especially the song ‘Lotus Flower’,” says Willow Withy, whose name obviously led her to her job of “Yoga With The Dolphins” class instructor at the hotel. “As soon as I put it on, they come up to the window and their play patterns become more fluid, friendly, and they are curious about what is going on in the yoga room. They rub against the windows, walls, and express more sensory connection. It feels like mutually shared experience as they appreciate the yoga and music together. I would say they are happy.”

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Given the self-evident nature of the facts, along with Withy’s utter lack of qualifications to determine the happiness of dolphins, this clearly must be true. Besides, Tori Cullins of the Wild Dolphin Foundation—someone who might actually know something about the creatures, even if she foolishly thinks they’re good-natured—backs up Withy’s claim. “I haven’t heard of them specifically listening to Radiohead, but it is common knowledge among our community that they like new-agey music like Enya. Rock music seems to stress them and jazz is the worst, while classical and country music has seen them relaxed. Human beings react in many ways to music, so it is logical that certain music can trigger different reactions.” Very dolphin-like reactions like, say, being total jerks, maybe? Just stay away from the St. Vincent discography, you monsters.

[h/t Consequence Of Sound]