Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Do you have what it takes to be Beyoncé's assistant?

Photo: Mike Coppola (Getty Images for People)

Let’s get this out of the way: Twitter fucking sucks, it’s all bad, and nothing worthwhile has ever been posted on the site ever. That being said, sometimes a diamond can shine through the colossal pile of utter misery and make it all seem slightly less pointless than it did before. Today, that surprising bit of cool content is coming from a Twitter thread from user @CORNYASSBITCH called “Being Beyoncé’s assistant for the day: DONT GET FIRED THREAD.” It’s a Choose Your Own Adventure-style game where you have to—what else?—see if you can survive a single day as Beyoncé’s assistant, bringing her breakfast, telling her what songs to listen to, and suggesting which hobbies she should try.

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To say too much would spoil the game, but just know this going in: You will get fired. You probably won’t even see it coming. This isn’t one of those good-time Choose Your Own Adventure-style games where there’s no wrong answer. This is the Dark Souls of Choose Your Own Adventure-style games. After all, you wouldn’t want some loser to be Beyoncé’s assistant, would you? It’s an important job that requires the heart of a champion. If you think you have what it takes, click that thread up above and get started.

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