In the nineties, Joe Eszterhas reigned as the highest-paid and most reviled screenwriter in Hollywood. He was a self-styled bad boy who picked up millions writing tawdry erotic thrillers while flaunting his contempt for the Hollywood establishment.

A lot has changed since then. Eszterhas battled Cancer. His career went down the shitter. He wrote sordid tell-alls. Then he found baby Jesus and got all Jesusy and shit. In 2008 he wrote a book called Crossbearer: A Memoir Of Faith, which I suspect is a memoir about faith or something.

Now Eszterhas is taking his love affair with Jesus to the next level (no, not anal sex, get your mind out of the gutter) by writing a screenplay about The Virgin of Guadalupe for Christian production company Mpower, though he’s less “writing a Christian film” than teasing my dick! It must be nice for Eszterhas to have a job where people don’t cum on him.

Whoever said religion is the last refuge of the scoundrel was referring specifically to Eszterhas. Let the Showgirls quoting begin!