When it was announced in October of 2012 that Disney had purchased Lucasfilm for $4.05 billion, the geek community gasped. What would become of Star Wars? Was the reputation of one of the most storied franchises in American cinema going to be tarnished? Would Disney take these dark, adult-oriented dramas and start watering them down for the kiddies?
The first shot was fired with Star Wars: Rebels, basically a Saturday morning cartoon aimed at youngsters who didn’t even see Return Of The Jedi in theaters during its original run. Now, a week after the premiere of the new Force Awakens trailer—which barely even looks like it will get a hard “R” rating, by the way—Disney Cruise Lines has announced, in conjunction with the Corellian Engineering Corporation, that the play area of its cruise ship the Disney Dream will be modified to resemble the interior of the Millennium Falcon, essentially turning the classic starship into a ball pit.
The Star Wars-themed section of the cruise ship will allow kids the opportunity to pilot the modified YT-1300 light freighter, get coordinates from the navicomputer, or perhaps even engage in a game of Holochess (Let the Wookie win, kids). The play area will no doubt be crowded with little brats mucking the whole thing up and not appreciating it on as many levels as original subscribers to Bantha Tracks would. Presumably, hardcore Star Wars fanatics who still have their pristine Star Wars Early Bird Certificate Package in a safe-deposit box will have to wait in long lines and possibly contract the flu in order to snap a selfie in the Falcon’s cockpit.
In addition to the Millennium Falcon play area, the cruise will also feature a Jedi Training Academy (which will also be crowded with kids due to the Jedi order’s strict carding policy) that will include games, activities, and crafts, screenings of the aforementioned Rebels, and meet-and-greets with characters from the Star Wars galaxy.
The new features of the Disney Dream are set to debut October 16, 2015. The estimated price to sail away on one of Disney’s Star Wars-themed cruises is $7000 for yourself, the boy, two droids, and no questions asked.