Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Disney computers begin processing film adaptation of the Matterhorn ride

Now that the sense of wonder and imagination that is the Disney hallmark has at last been converted to reliable software, dreaming the next wish that the heart makes is far speedier and much more efficient. As the most recent Pirates Of The Caribbean film edges toward a $1 billion gross, for example, its output has set off a subroutine of further theme park ride adaptations like The Hill, an action-adventure project based around the Fantasyland attraction the Matterhorn. Through repeated theoretical calculations at the speed of up to 1 billion per minute, The Hill has been proven by Disney computers to have the requisite brand recognition and suitable levels of family merriment, a process that would have taken days or even weeks of sluggish humans brainstorming ideas only a few decades ago.

But thanks to our modern technology, The Hollywood Reporter proclaims, the factors have already been neatly arrayed: Spread screenwriter Jason Dean Hall, Tron Legacy producer Justin Springer, a basic storyline that involves five young adventurers who encounter Yetis on the Matterhorn mountain, after being called there for “mysterious reasons” that may or not have something to do with scheming Yetis. With a minimum of unexpected variables, The Hill is now calculated to reach its own output stage somewhere within the timeframe of similar, already-running routines like Guillermo del Toro’s The Haunted Mansion, Tim Allen and Tom Hanks in Jungle Cruise, the Enchanted Tiki Room, and Jon Favreau and Michael Chabon’s Magic Kingdom, thus reaffirming Disney’s prime directive as the place where dreams really do come true END PROGRAM.


Share This Story