It’s been a long year, fraught with anxiety and isolation and uncertainty, and the nagging dread of impending fascist apocalypse. But Disney has just the thing to cure your 2020 blues: Extra Magic. The corporation has decided to extend holiday hours at Epcot and Magic Kingdom during the first week of December, per a report in USA Today. These so-called “Extra Magic” hours will afford park visitors the opportunity to extra-spread this extra-shitty virus in the corporatized comfort of a family-friendly theme park with just a few teensy reminders of the pandemic—namely, there will be no events that draw large crowds, like Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas Party or the Castle Dream Lights holiday show. Visitors will still be able to take photos alongside their favorite Disney characters and Santa Claus, but social-distancing will be enforced. What better keepsake for this stupid experience than a photo of your child wearing a mask while Goofy safely stands six feet away.
As the COVID-19 death toll reaches 200,000 in the U.S., government officials continue to make decisions that are not in the best interest of the people, but in the best interest of corporations and their bank accounts. But hey, Magic Kingdom will be open later for one whole week this December, so that’s nice.