Photo: ESPAT Media (Getty Images)

Like the immensely popular battle royale game it’s based on, a Fortnite-themed festival outside of Norwich, England only had enough room for one person out of a hundred to leave happy. Sued by the game’s creator—which, it should be noted, is eager to point out it “was not in any way associated with the event”—and leaving the children and parents who attended deeply disappointed, Fortnite Live is a glorious testament to the entrepreneurial spirit of trend chasers around the globe.

The Guardian’s Frances Perraudin detailed the event in a recent article, highlighting the many wonderful ways in which the two-day event managed to absolutely suck. First, there were the long lines, which apparently saw “visitors queueing for hours to enter the site” on Saturday. Once inside, “the estimated 2,800" attendees were treated to more excitement, like waiting to enjoy “just one climbing wall tower with room for three climbers” and an archery range that allowed “four children to practice ... at the same time.”

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Photos of the festival, which include such dystopian images as children scaling the lumpy climbing tower beneath a slate-grey sky, further the impression that the organizers’ interpretation of Fortnite leaned heavily on the whole “post-apocalyptic” aspect of its design.

If this tower of sorrow isn’t enough, please see, too, the enchanting “Cave Experience,” which, judging from the photo below, seemed to involve children wedging themselves into the back of a garbage compactor covered with seaweed.

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Oliver Phillips, who brought his 10 year-old to the event, said the attractions were “the sort of thing you see at a school fete” and that the above cave consisted of “a trailer, no bigger than a car, with a tunnel through it.” There are other quotes worth mentioning: “Fortnite is all about hunting people down and killing them,” one woman said. “I felt like doing that to the people who organised it.” Wasted.

The homicidal attendee quoted above is talking about the hilariously named Exciting Events, a company whose owner, Shaun Lord, is currently handing out refunds, prepping for a lawsuit, and telling The Guardian that “there are a lot of people who have told me they have had a fantastic time and their kids have thoroughly enjoyed [the event.]”

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Lord can hardly be blamed. A true devotee of Fortnite, he was only trying to survive this cruel world of ours by taking its lessons to heart, hastily building structures with whatever’s at hand and using other peoples’ creations for his branding.

[via The Guardian]

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