Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Illustration for article titled DirecTV adds DogTV channel for dogs to relieve the tedium of being a dog

Until very recently, dogs left home alone during the day have had very limited entertainment options, ranging from licking their genitals to watching Judge Judy. But thanks to the variety enabled by satellite providers and the fact that we have not yet suffered a major depression, there are more alternatives than ever for the discerning dog’s viewing habits—namely one, DogTV, which is the alternative to your dog not watching TV and just doing dog stuff. Proudly calling itself “the first and only TV network for dogs”—a claim that’s not unlike being “the first and only coffeemaker for spider monkeys,” and contradicts several inevitable Jay Leno/NBC jokes—DogTV has just landed a multiyear deal with DirecTV that will bring the premium channel to subscribers for a mere $5.99 a month, beginning this summer. That’s a huge step up for the network that’s currently only available online, where most dogs are more likely to just torrent it. Because they are bad dogs.


DogTV’s programming is aimed at providing the mix of stimulation and relaxation that is so important to relieving your dog’s stress and keeping their minds active, with the channel’s CEO Gilad Neumann saying sympathetically, “We know dog parents are constantly seeking solutions to ease the loneliness and boredom of their stay-at-home pups.” Indeed, no longer will your workday be consumed with wondering about your dog and whether it’s bored, because you’ll be secure in knowing that it’s watching television, and that you have zero actual things to worry about. What’s more, DogTV’s programming includes “scenes with and without other animals, animation sequences, and a variety of moving objects,” all of which also describes the TV shows you already enjoy.

A sample clip is below, which includes a hilarious cameo from some loser manta ray that doesn’t have its own TV channel yet.

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