Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Dexter's coming back, and there's nothing we can do about it

Illustration for article titled iDexter/is coming back, and theres nothing we can do about it
Photo: Jesse Grant/WireImage (Getty Images)

When last we saw Dexter Morgan—a.k.a., John Lithgow’s worst enemy who is not also a sasquatch, Sylvester Stallone from Cliffhanger, or the grim specter of small-town dancing—he’d seemed to have landed himself a pretty plum gig at last, having ducked out on all those murders he committed down in Florida in favor of a life of solemn, remorseful lumberjacking. But not even the siren call of the majestic oak can keep a good serial-murderer-who-kills-other-serial-murderers down, because Showtime has announced that it’s given into its own Dark Passenger—i.e., ratings—and decided to bring Dexter back for one of those oh-so-popular limited series revivals that have been going round of late. (Note to the networks: We would totally be here for Will & Grace & Dexter.)

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Deadline reports that the revived series will not only bring back Michael C. Hall, who racked up 2 Golden Globes for his turn as the titular semi-heroic blood fan, but also showrunner Clyde Phillips, the guy who guided the original series through most of its first four seasons, i.e., before the show got just absolutely goofy as fuck. Both men have previously threatened that they might bring Dexter back to television if they ever had a good enough idea, and lo-and-behold, said idea has apparently arrived. No word yet on what form said pitch might take, but we do have a couple of guesses based on nothing but our keenly held understanding of the character’s M.O:

  • Dexter is forced to confront his past when fellow lumberjacks start dying off across the campsite. Dexter eventually discovers that the killings are being conducted by an evil tree—but will his own dark attraction to this seductively malevolent larch keep him from doing what the Code Of Harry tells him is right?
  • Looking for love after being separated from Hannah in the series 8 finale, Dexter signs on for a reality dating competition exclusively for serial killers. But when he discovers that Bethani is actually an undercover cop who also only kills serial killers, where will his loyalties lie?*
  • After breaking his arm in a freak logging accident, Dexter discovers he can now suddenly throw a 100 MPH fastball. But when members of his new teammates on the Chicago Cubs start dying in grim Grand Guignol scenarios, can Dexter balance his new career—and a flirtation with a hot new team publicist—with his need to avenge their decapitated corpses?
  • Dexter fights Dracula. (Note: This is a clear violation of our long-held and highly anticipated IP, John Wick Fights Dracula.)
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*We would actually watch the shit out of this.

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