On hand (via Zoom) from their wonted home broadcasting spots (sneaker closet and in front of the Dominican flag, respectively), Showtime talk show stars Desus and Mero were defiantly not sorry about swiping one of Stephen Colbert’s favorite writers. You gotta let these things go!,” advised Desus, to which Colbert, matching his guests’ boisterous ball-busting, responded, “I did let things go! His name is Mike, and I let him go. He was under contract.”
That’s some ice-chest-cold, late-night skullduggery right there, especially since Desus and Mero—happily greeting Colbert’s reference to Desus & Mero being picked up for its third season—put on their best Sopranos accents to tout their connection with Colbert as part of “one of the five families.” (CBS owns Showtime.) Still, with former Late Show writer Michael Pielocik being comfortably installed as Desus & Mero’s head writer, it’s not like there’s much Colbert can do about the Bodega Boys’ staff pilferage. Helping hype the pair’s first book, God-Level Knowledge Darts: Life Lessons From The Bronx, Colbert stuck to a theme, talking about Desus and Mero’s repeated use of “allegedly” throughout as a pre-emptive defense against anyone taking their advice on surviving poverty to heart. (Shoplifting bulk Vaseline from big box stores, running up your credit cards, because “what are they gonna do?”) As Desus put it thanks to his lifetime of Judge Judy viewership, “If you say ‘allegedly,’ it’s like confessing your sins on your deathbed. They can’t do anything after that.” Allegedly.
Regardless, whatever beef there was among the three late-night fixtures was effectively squashed in the most time-honored tradition—the swapping of delicious, decadent junk foods. Everyone knows about Colbert’s Ben & Jerry’s flavor, “AmeriCone Dream,” but Desus and Mero sent Colbert a pint of their own, regionally specific and 100 percent actual ice cream flavor, “Baconeggncheese.” And in case anyone was wondering if that’s just a cheeky name, think very much again, as Colbert warily dug into the Bodega Boys-branded, breakfast sandwich-inspired delicacy from Brooklyn-born, small-batch ice cream maker, OddFellows. With each taking remote spoonfuls of each others’ branded dairy delights, Colbert immediately overcame his initial skepticism, saying of the the bacon, egg, and cheese-flavored ice cream appreciatively, “This is a sucker-punch for your taste buds.” OddFellows also offers up Bodega Boys bodega staples like “Chico Stix” (named for those ubiquitous impulse buy candies), “Bodega Counter Crunch” (made from stuff they keep behind the counter), the copyright-dodging “Host Of Cupcakes,” “Budget Breakfast” (honey bun and coffee), and a sweet tea and lemonade sorbet.
Both severely lactose intolerant, Desus and Mero confirmed to Colbert that, yes, they’d taken their Lactaid for the cross-promotional tasting. And, since both late-night ice cream lines donate money to worthy charities (Colbert to veteran, family, and environmental causes, the Bodega Boys line to New York’s Legal Aid Society), as Mero tweeted on the Bodega Boys’ launch, “every fart is for justice.”
Desus and Mero’s God-Level Knowledge Darts is for sale now, as is—shipped from the bodega to your door—the Bodega Boys Capsule of ice cream.