Talking Heads in 1977, or four people you won’t see on stage together any time soon (Photo: Getty Images)

Today’s top headlines: Water is wet, Earth revolves around sun, and Talking Heads aren’t getting back together. Word of the least-likely reunion this side of Johnny Marr And Morrissey’s Million Dollar Payday (with special guests The Thurston Moore-Kim Gordon Reconciliation Revue) circulated earlier in the week via Gigwise and Louder Than War, which cited reports of a new Talking Heads album and a 2017 world tour from Mediamass. But as the old song goes, “Facts are simple and facts are straight / Facts are lazy and facts are late / Mediamass is one of those ‘hilarious’ ‘humor’ websites that conflates ‘satire’ with ‘lying’ / Why do people keep falling for this shit?”

Continuing in the proud comedic tradition of ginning up a Paul Walker death hoax in the wake of Walker’s actual death, Mediamass’ article on the reunion was a fabrication, much like a similar article on the site that touts a forthcoming album of new material from the 100 percent dead membership of The Jimi Hendrix Experience. Yesterday, music site Blast Echo refuted the rumors through statements from Talking Heads drummer Chris Frantz and multi-instrumentalist Jerry Harrison, with Frantz saying “I wish it were true.” But truth, it’s been long acknowledged, just gets twisted around by facts—facts like the indisputable certainty that Talking Heads are still broken up.