During a month that represents the longest 16 minutes of things not being chill in Entourage history, it’s seemed increasingly like Vince might not being doing the movie, owing to delayed contract negotiations and other boring industry things that don’t involve just having brunch or shopping. But if you ask executive producer Mark Wahlberg, possibly just because it would be funny, Vince will be doing the movie, once the “guys stop being so greedy” off screen, so they can all resume their story celebrating guys being greedy on screen. A harsh ultimatum indeed, in the sense that there are any sorts of genuine stakes involved in an Entourage movie, and delivered with the real-talk bluntness characteristic of how dudes talk to each other when they’re bros and aren’t totally gay.
But after reports suggested that it was Adrian Grenier who was the main holdout—as the entire Entourage universe revolves around whether or not he is doing something, no matter how mundane—Grenier responded through his Instagram account, a platform that would accord it a familiar weight by wedging it between shots of him playing golf and smiling vaguely at terrible jokes. There, further confirming that the lines between Entourage: The Series and Entourage: The Realm Of Existence Which We Now Hopelessly Wander have forever blurred, Grenier asserted he would “always stand up for the boys (that includes you),” and that it was not about him, even though the script dictates that he is the star.
“The spirit of Entourage is about sharing the opportunities given to us and I will sign any deal that gives ALL the boys an opportunity to share in the upside of success EQUALLY,” Grenier said, reading from the back cover of the Entourage DVD. “I assure you, despite the perception, there is no greed in my heart. Remember, it will all work out in the end. It always does.” Grenier presumably then raised a Dos Equis bottle for the celebratory clink that has long signalled the conclusion to all his problems, only to be suddenly taken aback that he was alone. “E?” he called out into the silence. “I’m headed over to Frank Darabont’s house to talk about reshoots on the Ferrari movie…. Vroom vroom!” Grenier said as he sat on his couch, turning an imaginary steering wheel.
Meanwhile, with literally nothing else to focus on for a few minutes, TMZ turned its cameras to Turtle for a filler C-story, wherein Turtle insisted “I’d do it for free,” in classic Turtle fashion, because he’s Turtle and he’s just happy to be here. He just needs a chance. He has this great idea for clam-shaped sneakers filled with tequila. Everyone’s going to love them.
Elsewhere, every other person, animal, microbe, geological formation, slowly rotting foodstuff, wraith condemned to walk the earth until its life's wrongs are righted—all that are merely the background extras to Entourage waited patiently to see whether Vince was doing the movie, or whether they could just pack it in for the weekend and head to Palm Springs.