Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

David Wain wants to know: What if Rush and The Police sucked?

Illustration for article titled David Wain wants to know: What if Rush and The Police sucked?
Photo: Gary Miller (Getty Images)

Many of you may not be aware of this, but veteran comedian/actor/director David Wain has been quietly hard at work throughout quarantine. Not on any one particular new project (that we’re aware of), but with live Zoom performances of Wet Hot American Summer, revamped sketches from The State, and, um, sleight of hand street magic. Earlier this week, however, he might have stumbled on his most serious and important COVID-19 undertaking so far, one that few, if any, have dared to consider.

Yes, that’s right. Wain is bravely pondering the very difficult question: What if Rush and The Police sucked ass?

Turns out it doesn’t take a helluva lot of tweaking to make legends like Sting and Neil Peart sound like a couple of damn amateurs. Just pitch-alter some voices, shift tempos off-beat every so slightly, and voilà: Suddenly, we find our unfortunate selves listening to a seventh-grade battle of the bands’ version of “Tom Sawyer.”

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We know this couldn’t have been easy for Wain, and he’s proven he’s braver than the most of us. But in this age of constant uncertainty and doubt, we get the heroes we need, not the ones we necessarily deserve.

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Andrew Paul is a contributing writer with work recently featured by NBC Think, GQ, Slate, Rolling Stone, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency. He writes the newsletter, (((Echo Chamber))).

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