Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Date Movie's Friedberg and Seltzer to next point out the existence of the Fast & Furious franchise

Illustration for article titled emDate Movie/ems Friedberg and Seltzer to next point out the existence of the emFast  Furious/em franchise

Among the many questions that sentient beings ask themselves every year is, “What will those delightful movie spoof kings Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer next train their expert satirists’ eyes on?”, followed closely by, “I wonder what bleach tastes like?… Yaaaarghhhh! I melted my tummy bones!” As always, the answer to the former has arrived as rapidly and as gratifyingly as the latter, with The Wrap reporting that the unpersuadable duo behind Date Movie, Meet The Spartans, Vampires Suck, and the upcoming The Starving Games will similarly acknowledge the existence of the Fast & Furious franchise with Superfast!, inserting celebrities and characters who reference semi-recent pop culture, then repeatedly hitting them with cars.

(“Now that’s what I call a Tokyo Drift!” a stock Asian character says as Johnny Depp buzzes overhead in his Lone Ranger costume, powered by his farting bird hat. A startled Kim Kardashian gives birth to a truck that runs over a Kanye West lookalike, who’s performing at a lavish party thrown by The Great Fatsby, who’s very fat. An outraged Chris Brown punches a car in the headlights; Jodi Arias creeps up from behind, pantomiming a cartoonish “shhhh” to the camera. The Magic Mike strippers give the Benghazi embassy a lap dance, setting it ablaze. Audience members slip into a meditative trance in which all their lives’ mistakes suddenly become sharply crystalline.)

“Jason and Aaron will drive audiences crazy with this latest parody. It’s a franchise that’s crying out for some high-octane comedy collisions and these are the guys to get a speeding ticket doing it,” the film’s financiers said in a statement that suggests the sort of automobile-related wordplay one can reasonably expect, as well as the sort of things that someone who would pay for this finds funny. “These guys have no reverse gear. They probably don’t have first or second either,” they also added, unwittingly suggesting that their filmmakers provide shitty rides no one with any common sense or self-regard would embark upon. Meanwhile, the automotive industry blundered ever onward, blissfully unaware of what it had caused.

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