Having achieved the pinnacles of stardom with the recruitment of David Arquette, and courted controversy among moral watchdogs with the God-angering flaunting of Nancy Grace’s farts and nipples, the new season of Dancing With The Stars has opted for both a less intimidating strata of celebrity, and one centered on a talent that absolutely no-one could find off-putting: Jaleel “Urkel” White. The erstwhile mascot of Family Matters is, as he recently assured Vanity Fair readers, still very, very rich and famous, so his participation is obviously born out of altruism or a desire to demonstrate that his moves are not limited to “The Urkel Dance” —a number that will nevertheless inevitably be referenced if not winkingly revived, much like the question of whether White did indeed do that, whatever “that” may be.
Resigning themselves to a lifetime of being asked about working with Urkel will be a cast comprised, according to the proven DWTS formula, of faded soap opera stars, assorted hosts, musicians who look sort of uncomfortable, people best known for their tangential relationships to more famous people, and athletes who will probably last a very long time, because they are athletes. These include: Little House On The Prairie’s Melissa Gilbert, Melrose Place’s Jack Wagner, and Disney Channel star Roshon Fegan; Extra host Maria Menounos and former View co-host Sherri Shepherd; singers Gladys Knight, Gavin Degraw, and Katherine Jenkins; Spanish—language TV actor and “J.Lo music video star” William Levy; plus tennis champ Martina Navratilova and Green Bay Packers wide receiver Donald Driver. It should be noted that none of these people are Urkel, therefore the only reason to pay attention to them is if you are actually interested in seeing how they dance and rooting for them accordingly. [via THR]