Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Screenshot: Infowars

Alex Jones is dangerous. He is a stone-cold lunatic who preaches conspiracy under the guise of Christianity to an Infowars audience of more than 50 million people. Read Jon Ronson’s new Kindle single, The Elephant In The Room: A Journey Into The Trump Campaign And The “Alt-Right,” for some context or, y’know, just watch this six-minute spiral into the mouth of madness, wherein Jones warned his Facebook followers that Lady Gaga’s Super Bowl halftime show would double as a satanic ritual.

“She wears meat suits and does all these rituals—Madonna does it too—and the organizers of the Super Bowl are deciding to defile America and break our will by having us bow down to this,” hollers Jones from outside the University of Texas stadium.

“They say she’s going to stand on top of the stadium, ruling over everyone with drones everywhere, surveilling everyone in a big swarm,” he said. “To just condition them to say ‘I am the goddess of Satan’ ruling over them with the rise of the robots in a ritual of lesser magic.”

Were GWAR playing the Super Bowl, this might make sense. Gaga’s show, on the other hand, proved to be joyous and inclusive, two things Jones has clearly never been in his miserable life. He also proves his mettle as a journalist—remember, he claims to have been given White House press credentials—by saying Gaga “was admittedly part of the whole Pizzagate thing,” despite Gaga having never publicly commented on the absurd hoax. His sources, you ask? “Look it up,” he clarifies, “She admits this.” You’d think you were arguing with someone on Twitter.

He spends the rest of the video comparing Houston’s capital building to a woman’s breast and ranting about the Illuminati and New World Order, his version of which sadly doesn’t involve Kevin Nash or Scott Hall (though, if we’re being honest, Hulk Hogan’s definitely complicit).

Watch the full halftime show below. Bonus points if you can count all the triangles.


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