Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Coming soon to American guts: Crystal Pepsi redux, hot dog stuffed crust pizza

Just as America’s snack makers are moving toward more diet-friendly, gluten-free, body conscious products, both Pizza Hut and Pepsi are making moves towards keeping us fat. Both companies have been dropping hints this week about new (or new versions of old) products they’ll be introducing to the market this summer. Pizza Hut, for instance, has been sending out promotional materials suggesting “something big is coming” from the mass-market faux-Italian chain, with most industry watchers guessing that something big is the company’s hot dog stuffed crust pizza with “mustard drizzle.” (That’s a hot dog inside the pizza, because who in their right minds would put hot dog slices on top of a pizza? Come on.) The meaty abomination has been making the rounds in the UK, Australia, and Canada since 2012, and since citizens in those countries have at least tried—if not enjoyed—the pizza without dying, then it makes sense Pizza Hut would want to bring it to America.

Pepsi, on the other hand, appears to be going back to an old non-favorite. The company has been teasing the re-introduction of Crystal Pepsi into the market, despite the fact that, when the product was first in stores in the early ’90s, few people really liked it all that much. Still, those meager few have joined others with Crystal Pepsi-colored glasses, and the faithful have been lobbying Pepsi for the product’s re-release for years. Last week, one of those mega-fans, competitive eater Kevin Strahle, posted an image he said he received from Pepsi to his Twitter, where, on Crystal Pepsi letterhead, the company says it thinks Strahle “and [his] followers… [will] be all be happy with what’s in store.” A Pepsi spokesperson confirmed the message was real, telling AdAge that the company “think[s] Crystal Pepsi fans are going to be happy with what we have planned.” In other words, get ready to have a two-liter of Crystal Pepsi blasted down your proverbial throat, America.

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