Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Illustration for article titled Comedian chronicles the death spiral of reading YouTube comments
Photo: Martin-DM (Getty Images)

“Never read the comments” is arguably Rule Number One for anybody online—be it artists, comedians, actors, or anyone who cherishes their sanity. That said, sometimes the macabre allure of staring into the abyss is just too much for us to resist, and when that happens, well, that’s really on us, isn’t it? Like being told as a child not to touch a hot stove, sometimes we just gotta learn the hard way.

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It’s with that in mind that we totally sympathize with comedian Logan Guntzelman, who decided to subject herself to the comments beneath her new Comedy Central stand-up special. To ensure she wouldn’t endure such horrors alone, Guntzelman edited together a compilation of some of the choicest entries, ironically underscoring the clip with Celine Dion’s “Because You Loved Me.” Watch below, if you dare...

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“Too much women stuff,” says one lovely commenter. “She has a cute body,” replied another, proving that no comment section on a woman’s page is complete without a nuanced, tasteful, and warranted musing on her looks.

The best, though, are the comments that drive Guntzelman to Google: One written in Dutch—wat een droogkloot”—translates to “what a drought” (or, as we discovered in our search, “what a dullard). Another ominously promises that “Guys can launch up to eight feet,” a claim that of course turns out to be about ejaculation.

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What a lovely digital space we all inhabit.

Andrew Paul is a contributing writer with work recently featured by NBC Think, GQ, Slate, Rolling Stone, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency. He writes the newsletter, (((Echo Chamber))).

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