Kingsman: The Secret Service

According to Variety, Colin Firth has joined the cast of Mary Poppins Returns, the upcoming Emily Blunt-starring sequel to the original Julie Andrews film—or at least the P.L. Travers book that the original film was based on. The decision to cast Firth probably came after some Disney executive looked over the cast list and wondered where Colin Firth was. “You’ve got Lin-Manuel Miranda, Ben Whishaw, Emily Mortimer, and Meryl Streep,” this imaginary person said, “But where’s the cranky-yet-charming Englishman played with typical aplomb by Colin Firth? You can’t have a movie about British people without Mr. Darcy!”

At that point, Mary Poppins Returns director Rob Marshall sheepishly hung his head and tried to come up with a character—any character—that could be played Firth. “Oh yeah,” he perks up. “Colin Firth is playing William Weatherall Wilkins, the president of the Fidelity Fiduciary Bank. That sounds sufficiently Mary Poppins-esque, right?” The Disney executive nodded in agreement, their hunger for Firth temporarily satiated.

Mary Poppins Returns—featuring Colin Firth as Fidelity Fiduciary Bank president William Weatherall Wilkins—will be in theaters on December 25, 2018.