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Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Clerks 3 opens with My Chemical Romance's "Welcome To The Black Parade," apparently

Illustration for article titled iClerks 3/i opens with My Chemical Romances Welcome To The Black Parade, apparently
Screenshot: ViacomCBS, Photo: Matthew Simmons/Getty Images

Kevin Smith is feeling nostalgic. On his plate is a Mallrats sequel, a potential reboot of Clerks: The Animated Series, and, of course, the long-gestating Clerks 3, which he’s rewritten after his first stab at the threequel fell apart. Now, as we reported last year, Clerks 3 is, like Jay And Silent Bob Reboot, going meta, with Dante (Brian O’Halloran) and Randal (Jeff Anderson) making a movie about their lives—one we imagine will look a lot like Smith’s own Clerks.

Smith took to his Instagram on Thursday to share that, after beginning the writing process in late December, he’s now wrapped up the first draft of the movie. He offered up the opening stage directions as proof, and shared a statement about how the heart attack he suffered a few years back factors into the script. He also confirms the return of Jay and Silent Bob, as well as Clerks 2 characters Elias (Trevor Fehrman) and Becky (Rosario Dawson). “[T]he premise of the flick allows anyone who was in Clerks or Clerks II to return in some capacity,” he adds, and we can’t wait to see the return of Navy SEALs Guy.”


There’s not much to glean from the script itself thus far, except that it opens with Dante arriving at the Quick Stop pre-dawn. Underscoring it, apparently, is My Chemical Romance’s operatic “Welcome To The Black Parade,” a far cry from the Alice in Chains jam that set up the original. Will Dante be the “savior of the broken, the beaten and damned”? It’ll be a while before we find out so why not snap off a stick of Chewlies Gum and read Smith’s full caption below.

I started writing CLERKS III on December 28th and just finished the 101 page first draft last night! But the writing doesn’t begin when you start tapping the keys: I’ve been stirring this stew in my brain pan for awhile now. So when I sat down to put years of daydreaming into actual words, the typing part of the writing process was pretty brisk. Fake New Jersey (or what I’ve long called the View Askewniverse) has been so much more preferable to visit than the real world lately – but I’ve told the tale I wanted to tell, so it’s time to step back, hand the script off to a trusted few, and then tinker further based on the feedback. For those keeping score anymore, this is actually Clerks III v.2. I had written a different version of Clerks III about 6 years back – one which I’m now very happy we never made (although I used the opening scene for @jayandsilentbob Reboot). This is a much more personal story than the previous incarnation, drawing directly on the heart attack that nearly killed me (3 years ago next month). It was oddly triggering writing those scenes, as it was the first time in awhile I contemplated how close I came to shuffling lose this mortal coil. But far more than make me mindful of my own mortality, this script to Clerks III makes me laugh out loud. Dante, Randal, Elias, Becky, Jay and Silent Bob are all back, and the premise of the flick allows anyone who was in Clerks or Clerks II to return in some capacity. After a bummer of a 2020, this is how I want to spend some of 2021: at @quickstopgroceries in New Jersey where it all began, with friends and family. And when we finally roll cameras on Clerks III, I will know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I *am* supposed to be there that day!

Randall Colburn is The A.V. Club's Internet Culture Editor. He lives in Chicago, occasionally writes plays, and was a talking head in Best Worst Movie, the documentary about Troll 2.

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