The 2016 election cycle is one of the most divisive, ugliest elections in recent memory. It’s been going on for over a year-and-a-half now, and won’t wrap up for another eight months, providing Americans more neoliberalism, total unpreparedness, and actual insanity.

Thankfully, it’s also provided Chuck Tingle with fodder for some of his best material to date. For those of you who aren’t familiar, Tingle is an alarmingly prolific writer of erotic, gay short stories, which he sells on Amazon. But these aren’t just any gay, erotic short stories. First of all, they almost always have the word “boner” or “butt” in the title. Secondly, they usually involve a man being penetrated by something weird, like his own butt, or his linear concept of time, or T. rex lawyers. Over the last few months, Tingle has turned his attention to the presidential race, churning out Tinglers about Donald Trump as the Loch Ness Monster, who pounds a man’s butt, and now Bernie Sanders as an actual unicorn, who also pounds someone’s butt. (Tingle calls his stories “Tinglers.”)

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Feeling The Bern In My Butt features sizzling human on unicorn presidential candidate action, including anal, blowjobs, rough sex, and “gay democratic socialist love.” Here’s an excerpt:

Every sign that I see has a message that resonates deeply within me, deeper than any candidate has ever been able to reach. While most politicians craft messages that tug at my heartstring, these seem to go even farther. He’s tugging at my butt… I have to admit, all of this political positivity is getting to me, the message of progress and social reform causing a pleasant tingle to slowly form around the trim of my anus. It’s a strange but welcome sensation, something of a burn, but in a warm and inviting way.

That said, Chuck Tingle wants to make it clear that he’s not endorsing any candidates. In fact, he’s running for something called The Buckaroo Party.

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Vote Tingle 2016.

[Via The Daily Dot]

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