Chris Hansen’s To Catch A Predator caught its last predator in 2008—a long, seven-year span in which untold numbers of sexual offenders have just been roaming free, with no one telling them where to have a seat. “Right over there! Over there!” Hansen has cried out in the night, waking himself from another restless sleep, his need to shame the nation’s hebephiles with a patronizing talking-to a constant thirst that cannot be slaked—not even with some fresh lemonade. So now he’s taking his desire to find men who are looking to connect with underage sex partners back to where it all began: the Internet.

As reported by the Los Angeles Times, Hansen is launching a Kickstarter campaign to raise $400,000 for a new edition of the series, titled Hansen Vs. Predator. A spiritual continuation of the Alien Vs. Predator franchise, in that no one will really enjoy watching it, Hansen Vs. Predator will once again find the former NBC News reporter teaming up with law enforcement to snare guys who only want to talk to young boys and girls, and just happen to have all these beers and condoms for, uh, something else. But this time, the series will debut online before being shopped to TV networks and syndicators, and it will reflect the many advancements in pervert technology over the last seven years.

Advertisement

“When we did it before, there were chat rooms on AOL and Yahoo. Now there are 22 ways to communicate online,” Hansen said, oddly specifically. And his new series will cover all 22 of those ways, even those that predators maybe haven’t heard of yet.

But such service journalism isn’t the only reason to revive the series, Hansen says. There’s also what Hansen calls a “pent-up demand from viewers,” whose urges aren’t being fulfilled by older, more traditional media, so they’ll go looking for it on the Internet. Those dedicated Predator fans will be rewarded for their donations with things like shirts and coffee cups adorned with the show’s logo—a sure conversation-starter with coworkers and potential romantic partners—as well as “an invitation for a private screening with Hansen and his crew,” which definitely won’t turn out to be a sting operation. No, Chris Hansen was just getting out of the shower; he’ll be with you in a minute, and he’s really looking forward to watching the show with you. Do you want some sweet tea?

But the ultimate prize, at the $150 donation level, is Chris Hansen recording your outgoing voicemail message. “Hi, I’m Chris Hansen…,” your voicemail greeting will say. And once more, all of your callers will know immediately that they really screwed up this time.

Advertisement