Tetris

In a story that wouldn’t sound out of place as the plot of the next James Bond movie—provided they could get Daniel Craig or whoever to treat the threat with the gravity it deserves—a Chinese billionaire says that he’s preparing to unleash Tetris, Zorro, and a new Titanic movie upon the world.

The Blofeld-esque movie mogul—or “Blogul”—in question is Bruno Wu, a Chinese media mastermind who says he currently has something like 400 films in development, including the threatened block-erasing blockbuster. And like the best supervillains, Wu shows no signs of stopping now, having just established a $1.6 billion fund devoted to acquiring more “content” (a.k.a. “the rights to Dig-Dug and Q-Bert,” if we had to venture a guess).

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According to Deadline, Wu isn’t working alone, either; he has partnerships in place with Fast & Furious 6 and Star Trek 3 director Justin Lin and Marvel Studios founder Avi Arad, plus numerous others through his Beijing Sun Seven Stars Culture, which owns as many as 60 production companies. (It also produces “20 English-language films, 300 hours of English-language TV and more than 150 variety and reality shows” that are distributed around the globe.)

People have tried to make a Tetris movie before, of course; the human animal is in a constant, inevitable race to produce the least satisfying video game adaptation of all time. But that project appears to have sputtered out, while Wu seems to have the cash—and worse, the hideous, unbreakable will—needed to bring this thing into existence once and for all. (Even so, he probably needs to just give in and accept the universal truth that nobody wants another damn Zorro movie at this point.)