As a nation/planet/decadent empire crumbling on the edge of death, we’ve all been captivated by the drama and beauty of a prospective Taylor Swift/Tom Hiddleston coupling. The star power! The romance! The rocks! But not even Hiddleswift—both the hypothetical couple’s fan nickname, and the house in Hogwarts where the strange, awkward children are kept—is certain. And, as we all know, in uncertainty, there is cash.
Hence the actions of China’s online marketplace Taoboa—think eBay, except you’re allowed to hire yourself out as a fake boyfriend, or sell “pee caddies” to harried parents—which is reportedly allowing providers to sell “break-up insurance” to customers. The policies will pay off double if Hiddleston is relegated to the world of broken-hearted T-Swift album material. Essentially, it’s the same gamble as life insurance, except the life in question is that of Tumblr user Becky7000TaytayTomtom, who will just die if the pair splits up. She absolutely will.
This isn’t the first time Taoboa has offered 2:1 odds on conscious uncoupling, either. Sellers on the service reportedly offered similar numbers recently for Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom, in case that couple also chose to break the planet’s heart by callously splitting up.