You may have heard of conspiracy theorist Alex Jones from his radio show, or one of his many “documentaries” on the New World Order (the paranoid man’s one percent), or perhaps even from getting him confused with David Icke, the guy who believes that the American government is controlled by interdimensional lizard people masquerading as human.

Unfortunately, Alex Jones is not the lizard people guy. (These right-wing loudmouths all look alike, you know?) But he does know a thing or two about celebrities—it was on his show that Charlie Sheen had his infamous on-air meltdown in 2011—and it’s his (barely) considered opinion that Beyoncé’s Lemonade is a CIA-backed incitement to race war designed to distract the American public from, well, everything. So that’s fun. Here’s what he said on Facebook, as helpfully transcribed by BlackBag:

So then she sits there with this rage. You know, great actress, like, ‘Grrrr, Police. Grrr, you’re the enemy of my people.’ And baseball bats and everything. So young people go out and act like maniacs, it’s happening, and try to start a race war in this country.”

And this is just to get people to act like total morons, so they can basically get beat up, arrested, and put in jail.


And so people that are like, ‘Yeah, Beyonce. Smash the police. Smash the men.’ This is to get us all at each other’s throats, when we’re all Americans getting screwed over by the NSA, and the foreign banks and derivatives. We’re all getting our kids attacked and aborted, and shot up with vaccines and GMOs. We’re all in this together.

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To be fair, hot sauce could be full of GMOs, depending on what brand you buy. And moms of girls named Becky probably should worry about their daughters until the identity of the archetypal girl with the good hair has been revealed and the Beyhive publicly tears her to pieces in a gladiator-style spectacle. (It’s neither Rachel Ray nor Rachel Roy, or Rita Ora, for the record. It could very well be more of a symbolic dig than a reference to a specific person. But once unleashed, the Beyhive cannot be recalled.)

But that’s not Jones’ point. His point is that BeyoncĂ© literally dines on baby brains with her pals in the CIA, as Jones claimed this morning in a follow-up interview for which “problematic” is not a strong enough word. Last time we checked, though, it was a white dude who was trying to start a musical race war. Perhaps Jones’ time would be better spent hanging out at coffeehouse open mics?