Reports of Charlie Sheen selling out dates on his upcoming “My Violent Torpedo Of Truth” tour may be—uncharacteristically—exaggerated, as CNBC reporter Jane Wells points out. Although Sheen bragged that tickets for his debut shows in Chicago and Detroit were gone in a matter of minutes, the peevish Wiffle ball of fact reveals that well over 1,000 of those seats for each venue were purchased by scalpers. Most of them have since been lingering on sites like StubHub and BargainSeatsOnline.com, and are all currently available for much, much less than face value, suggesting that the buyers may have greatly overestimated the public demand to hear Charlie Sheen say “winning” in person.

Wells goes on to say that she was still able to find side-by-side front-row seats for the tour’s opening night when she checked the Ticketmaster website on Friday—and indeed, there are still plenty of front-and-center tickets available through the special “Meet And Greet” package at $575 apiece, believe it or not. We were also able to find several single tickets on the main floor (and decent seats, too), confirming the show has definitely not sold out, despite Sheen’s claims. It's almost as though Sheen is creating a deliberately embellished version of his reality, which would certainly be a news story worth our attention for approximately three weeks straight and then almost never again.

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Anyway, perhaps by way of implicit concession to the needs of stepping up the promotion and reclaiming the spotlight from latecomer usurpers like Rebecca Black and Japan, Sheen has recently added nu-metal guitarist Rob Patterson of Otep (who’s also played with Korn and Filter) as his tour’s “musical director,” dropped hints of a possible Snoop Dogg collaboration, and begun waging a war of words with ex-wife Denise Richards over custody of their dog that culminated in Sheen renaming her “#DUH-neese POOR-ards.” See? This is the sort of stuff you’re going to miss out on if you don’t buy now.