Although Charlie Sheen has rejected the notion that he is actually in “rehab”—characterizing those who would push rehab on him as a “bunch of turds,” and merely allowing an addiction specialist to occasionally lecture him at home while Sheen gives him a “Come on, guy” smirk—whatever you call his current respite from what he calls "work" is reportedly due to end in “3 to 4 weeks,” according to TMZ. At that point, Sheen will supposedly return to essentially playing himself on Two And A Half Men having only missed two episodes, which will then likely be made up at the end of the season—no harm, no $250 million foul, no need for CBS to address this matter for at least another day or two. Well, so long as everyone pretended to learn something.

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