With Charlie Sheen’s reputation as the craziest Hollywood has to offer being usurped by such interlopers like Mel Gibson and Randy Quaid, Sheen took decisive action early this morning, trashing his New York hotel room in a “coke-fueled rampage” after partying all night with a hooker. The bar, once again, has been raised.

Sheen, who was eight days from completing the probation that stemmed from his December arrest for domestic violence, was reportedly upset that he had lost his wallet and cell phone. So he threw around some tables and chairs, breaking a chandelier and causing $7,000 worth of damage to his suite. His prostitute for the night called the front desk and asked for assistance. When hotel security arrived, they found a naked and drunk Sheen who was “incoherent” and “screaming slurs” at them, while in a locked closet they found the prostitute, similarly naked and “fearing for her life.” The police were then summoned, finding Sheen to be “intoxicated, irrational” as well as “emotionally disturbed;” Sheen told them he had been drinking and had snorted cocaine before his tantrum.

After recognizing him as America's lovable scamp Charlie Sheen, the police offered him the choice of going to jail or the hospital. As "luck" would have it, Sheen’s ex-wife Denise Richards and his two young daughters were sleeping in a nearby room on the same floor, since they were all on a "family" vacation at the time. Richards was notified, and she voluntarily escorted Sheen, “clad only in shorts and a bathrobe,” to the hospital. (For Denise Richards, it continues to be complicated.) Just a couple of hours ago, the folks who pay him $1.25 million per episode of Two And A Half Men sent a private jet to collect Sheen, who is now flying back to L.A. Since he was not arrested, he will likely avoid any violation of his probation or further jail time.

Sheen’s rep, by the way, characterized Sheen’s outburst as “an adverse allergic reaction to some medication.”