Rest now, perturbed spirits: Charlie Sheen has announced that he will not abandon his one source of steady income in the midst of his umpteenth personal meltdown after all, agreeing to stick with CBS situational comedic product Two And A Half Men for at least another two years of mirth and man-child merriment. Sheen called the statement a “fitting end on the two and one-half months of whirlwind speculation,” which is a dramatic way of saying that Sheen stalled on renewing his contract until they gave him more money. But now everything’s coming up Charlie Sheen—except for his possible jail sentence for domestic abuse, of course. But you know, water off a duck’s back and all that.