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Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Charlie Sheen busts out the Eminem quotes, demands sandwiches and handjobs

Illustration for article titled Charlie Sheen busts out the Eminem quotes, demands sandwiches and handjobs

Not surprisingly, Charlie Sheen has continued to rage against the dying of the Two And A Half Men light, particularly now that he's been told he won't be paid for the rest of the shuttered season. In an interview with Loose Cannons (yes) excerpted by RadarOnline, Sheen tells disgraced former Access Hollywood/The Insider host Pat O'Brien (again, yes), "Defeat is not an option. They know what they did was wrong. They are in absolute breach [of contract]. I did nothing wrong. They have picked a fight with the wrong guy. Defeat is not an option." He then added, "I expressed an opinion, I have the First Amendment to support me and I have an army marching behind me, to quote Eminem."

Of course, it doesn't end there: Sheen once again reiterated the fact that he did everything CBS asked in regards to cleaning himself up and changing his life—"and I did, in like an hour"—but that he finally reached his breaking point after producers "kept getting up into my grill." Calling Lorre and collaborator Lee Arohnson "a couple of AA Nazis and blatant hypocrites," Sheen said they kept interfering in his personal life and failing to respect him—something Sheen would never do because "I think everybody’s got a black belt and a gun, so I don’t get in anybody’s business." That apparently goes for CBS president Les Moonves too, with Sheen saying he's now "done" with him.

Sheen also took the opportunity to once again aver that he will submit to a drug test for Radar on Monday to prove that he is sober ("only entrance fee is water," he adds helpfully), and also to characterize the last eight years of the show as a "toxic environment" where he was treated like "an unwelcome relative given cold coffee every night at nine o’clock." For anyone in need of more Sheen quotes to add to their Facebook page, he also added, "“I put a billion dollars in the studio’s pockets and I put half a billion dollars in Chuck’s pocket. I should have been walking into sandwiches, massages, and handjobs. Yeah, I said it!”


He covered a few other topics quoted here at Movieline, including: the prospect of doing the (preemptively denied) HBO show, Sheen's Corner, about which he said, "There are some talks about a thing that would give me the freedom to do something beyond the drivel that is this, I don’t know, this pukefest [Two And A Half Men] that everybody worships. I don’t know. I’m like, ‘Wow. That was another bad joke!’” He also mentioned that, just in case you were wondering, he won't be seen at Sunday's Oscars, saying, "Yeahhhh…that’s probably a place I should avoid just because it might cause a little too much attention. But I don’t have a tuxedo that fits anymore because my chest and my biceps are too big.”

Anyway, in case you think this whole story is already running out of steam, Sheen urges everyone to "find the most comfortable seat in the house, lean back and watch—it’s about to get really gnarly.” He then roared off in a cherry red 1970 Cutlass convertible, Mr. Big blaring from the tape deck. Winning.

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