Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Certified sexy man Michael B. Jordan joining OnlyFans (for a good cause)

Pictured: Michael B. Jordan, Michael B. Jordan’s friend Naruto
Pictured: Michael B. Jordan, Michael B. Jordan’s friend Naruto
Photo: Kevork S. Djansezian (Getty Images)

A big day for thirsty people and the thirst they champion, as Michael B. Jordan—recently crowned People’s Sexiest Man Alive—has announced that he’s starting an OnlyFAns account, where he intends to show himself, quote, “Eating fruit, all types of crazy stuff, it’s going to get wild.” (For a given value of wild that apparently includes snacking down on mangos and other healthy snacks.) Jordan made the announcement on Jimmy Kimmel last night, along with the news that this won’t be a for-profit sexy man situation, but rather, an effort in support of the people who really need the most help right now: The barbers.

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We’re not being facetious there, either: Jordan is apparently doing this to support his barber—Joe—and plans to help fund a barber school, given how hard the COVID-19 crisis has struck the hair-cutting industry. (Also, Jordan has just deployed a new mustache, so he presumably needs a fully-stocked, highly trained team to keep it in rigid working order.) That altruistic-if-tonsorial focus will hopefully insulate Jordan from some of the backlash that’s hit other celebrities who’ve joined the online subscription site—notably actress and model Bella Thorne—who’ve been accused of horning in on an ecosystem that many models and sex workers use as a key revenue source during a time that’s been nearly as hard on the porn industry as it’s been on the barbers.

Anyway: While you probably won’t end up getting to see the actual pickle of Michael B. Jordan, certified sex man, you will apparently get to see him eat his way through a whole host of delicious and nutritious offerings, and all for a good cause. Who knows, maybe he’ll branch out and eat some hummus, too! Maybe a whole appetizer plate; the sky’s the limit here, folks.