Lauded French actor Gérard Depardieu, as revered in his homeland for his uncompromisingly rakish off-screen exploits as he is for his volatile and varied on-screen performances, released a celebrated stream of urine all over the carpet of an Air France flight yesterday, captivating a select audience. “Je veux pisser, je veux pisser,” the 62-year-old legend was heard explaining to flight attendants in the rumbling, slurring diction that has long delighted cineastes, only to be informed that he would have to wait 15 minutes until the plane took off before the toilets would be made available. Thus presented with a suitably dramatic conflict to play against, the lion of French cinema took center stage before his fellow passengers, unzipped his trousers with a flourish, and commenced a rousing delivery of his iconic piss, which was no doubt enhanced by a special vintage from his famous personal vineyard, as one witness later gushed in her review, “You could tell he’d been drinking.” The plane then returned to the gate and was delayed for two hours so those in attendance could properly soak up Depardieu’s latest production, all while, presumably, fortunate passengers were treated to a delightful rendition of the actor’s Légion d'honneur-recognized snores.
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