Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Celebrate "The Circle Jerk Of Life" in this unholy trailer for The Lion King porn parody

If it exists, people will turn it into porn or find a way to fuck it. Or both. Behold: The trailer for The Loin King, the porn parody of—you guessed it—The Lion King. Featuring genius song spoofs like “Can You Fill My Muff Tonight?” and “The Circle Jerk Of Life” (performed by Elton Dong, no less), The Loin King arrives on PornHub today for free, courtesy of the folks at WoodRocket, which is also responsible for porn parodies like Aladdick and Game Of Bones 2: Winter Came Everywhere.


The deeply unsettling nature of its very existence aside, The Loin King actually appears to be an endearing endeavor thanks in large part to its imaginative wordplay. “Hakuna Matata” has been replaced by “Hot Cum On My Ta-Tas,” performed by the horny comedic duo of “Tibone” and “Poonbaa.” While some of these puns are definitely a bit of a stretch—only your creepy uncle would dare attempt such pervy verbal leaps—there’s something almost charming about lyrics like, “Gonna send your vag a package / Amazon just said it shipped / It’s going in your vagina / That package is my dick.”

Honestly, the official synopsis for The Loin King reads like a more faithful live-action remake of The Lion King than the one hitting theaters this week (it’s also more photorealistic):

Sinba and Na-Na are ready to mate, but his evil uncle Screw sends his daddy to his death via a Wildebreast stampede. Now with the help of his two friends, Tibone and Poonbaa, will Sinba get back to feeling the love tonight? Find out in The Loin King.

The Loin King stars Kira Noir, Will Tile, Leya Falcon, Daisy Ducati, Rod Jackson, Lance Hart as “Elton Dong”, and was directed Lee Roy Myers.

The, um, extended version, which features even more boning, is available on PornHub Premium—if you’re into paying for your porn like they did in the good ol’ days.