Deep Impact

The planet Earth has had some good days, specifically those first few moments before humans arrived and started polluting everything, but it’s pretty clear that this whole thing has gone on for about as long as it can. All of the good paintings have been made, most of the recognizable superheroes already have movies, and music was perfected years ago by the 1999 Smash Mouth album Astro Lounge, so there’s not even much worthwhile stuff left for mankind to do. Really, the only sensible thing now would be to just dump this planet and move on to some new plane of existence.

Thankfully, CBS has decided to take a break from comfortingly bland procedurals and largely inoffensive comedies to help put the Earth out of its misery, as the network has decided to allow an asteroid to collide with our planet in six months, presumably killing all of us in the process. This comes from TV Line, which says the asteroid was discovered by “an MIT grad student” and “a tech superstar,” who brought it to the attention of “a low-level Pentagon official.” But it turns out this is actually the premise of a new TV show that CBS has ordered called Salvation, not a warning about an impending disaster that’s about to end all life as we know it. Now we’re not sure how we feel about it.

Salvation comes from Fringe executive producer Alex Kurtzman, and CBS has already given it a straight-to-series order for 13 episodes. It’s set to premiere next summer, which is probably when the asteroid would’ve hit us, if it were real.