Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
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At times, the people responsible for medical dramas do us all a good service by reminding us in no uncertain terms that they are not, in fact, doctors. Seeing George Clooney and Sandra Oh walking red carpets helps us remember that they’re actors and, should we choke on something or accidentally stab ourselves with a fork, they are not to be counted on in a moment of need.

The cast of Chicago Med, part of Dick Wolf’s all-consuming broadcast TV Chicago-verse, have just gone above and beyond what’s expected in this realm. As shown in a series of photos taken of the actors and producers of the series celebrating their 100th episode, these fake doctors have discovered an incredibly memorable way to reinforce their position as non-medical professionals forevermore: Standing around smiling as they cut into a cadaver made of cake.


Look at these people in their form-fitting scrubs. Not only are they better looking than most of the world’s doctors, but they are the sort who, not having to spend their workdays elbow-deep in sick people’s entrails, are happy to eat dessert shaped like a bald man’s lifeless body.


Created by Dina Cimarusti, the cake is enormously gross looking. Photos show the Chicago Med crew yucking it up, pretending to give CPR to a bald old man whose pallid fondant flesh dimples under their hands, likely salivating as they discover the mounds of red velvet guts just waiting for them to enjoy. These are not real doctors, understanding the horrid secrets that lie within all our bodies. These are Tinseltown cannibals, eager to feast on a version of a dead body as sanitized as their own show cleans up the messy world of medicine for a popular audience.


Do not trust these fake doctors with your health. They will lick their lips at your infected wounds, imagining the dried blood is raspberry chocolate and the viscous pus forming around the fevered skin is a tasty creme brulee. Go instead to a real, honest professional—one who looks like shit but will never, ever try to eat you if die in their care.


Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.

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