While one would presume that the persistent, fear-induced civility or constant consumption of toffee would be enough to keep an English person silent in movie theaters, there are apparently enough (probably working-class) disruptive sorts who attend London's Prince Charles Cinema that the theater has been forced to hire ninjas to deal with them. In conjunction with Morphsuits, an Edinburgh-based manufacturer of the sort of skintight "zentai" suits popularized here by It's Always Sunny In Philadephia, the cinema has begun outfitting volunteer "ninjas" with all-black body suits, who are then given free admission in exchange for policing their fellow moviegoers, popping up to punish noisy, inconsiderate people with a very "British ninja"-like right stern talking-to.

Here's an account from one recent ninja target, Abdul Stagg, who answered his cell phone during a movie and is terrible:

I normally hate noisy people in cinemas, but I got a call from my friend just as the movie started and thought I could get away with taking it. The last thing I expected was two completely blacked-out people suddenly appearing by our seats and give me and my mates a warning to shut up. It was actually pretty terrifying at first, but then I realised it was a bit of a laugh and a great way to make it clear what I was doing was having an impact on those around me. It certainly made me hang up and shut up for the rest of the film.


Ha, a bit of a laugh, indeed. You are terrible. Anyway, the program has proved so effective that already other British cinema chains are considering adopting it. But not American ones, because people carry guns here.