When Poison frontman, Rock Of Love skank magnet, and hairline-obscuring headband-enthusiast Bret Michaels was felled by a descending set after his lip-synched performance of “Nothin’ But A Good Time” at the Tony Awards on Sunday, it was an instant YouTube classic, picked up by millions of people who couldn’t help reveling in a little schadenfreude. But revelers probably didn’t realize how much it hurt: Michaels sustained a broken nose and a split lip to go along with the tidal wave of mockery from all corners. In a rambling, often very funny statement posted on his official website, Michaels hits back a little by saying that even though he’s “trying to remain very positive and somewhat humorous about the whole situation,” he remains disappointed by the Tony organization’s official response to the incident, which stated that he was “completely fine and [he] missed his mark.”

Simple enough, right? Well, the statement turns out to be much more detailed and entertaining, which makes his five-day delay in getting it out more than worthwhile. Some gems:

On the accident: “Somebody handed me a towel to wipe the blood from my face and in my dazed state I recall staring at what seemed to be Shrek, a talking goat head and several monkey like creatures.”


On Tony staging ineptitude: “I apparently had less than two seconds to avoid being hit. It was evident I was backing up and moving in the direction to exit the stage for at least 30 to 40 feet and it is plain to see I had no clue this prop was descending. For God sake, they have at least a five second delay to prevent the airing of unapproved expletives and nudity!”

A mea culpa for upstaging the other actors: “I feel for the actors and actresses who put in so much time and hard work on or off Broadway to get to the Tonys. This is their moment and I am sorry that some of it may have gotten overshadowed by my thick rocker cranium being struck by a stage prop.”

And so on. Here’s that clip again: