Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Breaking: Cargo shorts not cool

A man who is presumably playing Pokemon Go. Photo: Holly Hildreth / Getty

Look, we get the appeal of cargo shorts. With so many pockets you can carry some serious cargo, from keys and wallets to loose change, hammers, and VHS tapes. Still, public opinion of the shorts has wavered over the years, as tighter and slimmer pants have taken precedent over loose and bulging ones.

If you need proof of this shift in opinion, simply look at Hater, a dating app that matches people based on their mutual dislikes. After mining its data to see what the app’s most attractive users found most revolting, Hater discovered that it was none other than Fred Durst’s favored style of shorts that topped the list.


Mashable elaborates:

“[T]he least attractive 10 percent that was disproportionately fond of cargo shorts compared to their more attractive counterparts. The hotties, for their part, dug PBR considerably more than those at the bottom of the pile did.

As for what else defined the lowest 10 percent, they were very into using data and staying inside on a nice day. They also favored long shorts (what is it with these dudes and their shorts?!), Anime, Pokemon Go, and Windows (the OS, not the thing you look out of). So basically, sorry, all you indoor boys.

Meanwhile, the top 10 percent of guys were most into PBR, superfoods, and hair of the dog. Hmm, that’s a real mixed bag, lifestyle-wise. They also went for Serial (the podcast), “my sex life,” and staying at Airbnbs. As far as their top fashion loves? V-neck sweaters, skinny jeans, and J. Crew. Perfectly irritating, just like your favorite aspirational Instagram account.

So, basically, it seems like the best way to get a date is to eat lentils, shop at J. Crew, stay in Airbnbs, change your anime avatar on Twitter, and brag about your sex life. Oh, and never, ever wear cargo shorts. Isn’t it great being single?

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