Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Bow down before your new media overlords

Mitt Romney was right, corporations are people
Mitt Romney was right, corporations are people
Photo: Paul Hiffmeyer (Disneyland via Getty Images)

Tremble, puny human, and see before you what your Ozymandias-like betters have crafted in their pursuit of ever more glorious riches. Today the Walt Disney and 20th Century Fox shareholders wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer.

Lo, the triumphant moment has arrived: According to The Hollywood Reporter, the most holy union has occurred, and the $71.3 billion acquisition of large parts of Fox, including “the 20th Century Fox film and TV studios, entertainment cable networks, and its international assets,” by Disney is now complete. While ye peasants sat in your hopeful though pitiable state, prostrate, awaiting this glorious news, the combination merger proposal at the shareholder meeting in New York took a mere eight minutes to receive a majority of votes approving the deal. Truly, the nefarious efforts of Comcast to counteroffer for Fox that ended in ignominy last week—a desecration most foul—could not but yield in the face of such corporate executives’ mighty efforts.

Looking beyond our long-sought union of X-Men and Avenger, the remaining parts of the Fox assets not acquired by this mighty merger—hereafter known as “New Fox”—consist of the Fox broadcast network, Fox News Channel, Fox Business Network, Fox Sports 1 and Fox Sports 2. Disney Chairman and CEO Bob Iger, rising from his plush-toy throne to unfurl a scroll declaiming the joys of this blessed pact, read yon statement:

We are incredibly pleased that shareholders of both companies have granted approval for us to move forward, and are confident in our ability to create significant long-term value through this acquisition of Fox’s premier assets.


Yes, let the heavens quake and the angels run in fear! For nary a one of God’s creations can hope to compete with the dizzying achievement of the Übermensch: Creating long-term value through acquisition of premier assets. Bow down! Bow before your New Disney!

Alex McLevy is a writer and editor at The A.V. Club, and would kindly appreciate additional videos of robots failing to accomplish basic tasks.

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