Medium Slackjaw editor and Onion Labs copywriter Hassan S. Ali has updated the world of mobile telephony with Botline Bling, a new Product Hunt submission that simulates a text-message relationship with Drake. It puts Drake’s wit, wisdom, and invitations to meet up at a Tim Hortons right there on your cell phone screen.

You can ask bot-Drake for advice, ask him to woo you, tell him you’re angry, or break his heart by telling him that you just want to be friends. In return, you’ll get such nuggets as, “There’s more to life than sleeping in and getting high with you. I had to let go of us to show myself what I can do,” “You expensive, you know that? Maybe we should get some food?” and, “Meet u at tim hortons? or maybe cheesecake factory.”

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Because Hassan works at Onion Labs, housed under the umbrella of A.V. Club sister site The Onion, we walked over to his standing desk for a quote. “I’ve been toying around with bots and trying to understand the hype around them,” Hassan said. “From a creative standpoint, there’s some entertainment potential. I’m also a huge fan of Drake. He talks about texting and phones a few times on his latest album, so I thought a text-bot would be a perfect way to simulate your very own emotional roller coaster of a relationship with the 6 God himself.”

It’s enough to fulfill the Drake-sized hole in your texting heart. So if you’ve ever wanted to know what Drake would do in a particular situation, or are just really bored and want to waste hours on your phone, get started by texting “Botline” to 630-755-6641. Then just sit back and let Drake’s genius wash over you.

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