Having shored up the Boston credentials of its Whitey Bulger movie by hiring the city’s favorite son, Johnny Depp, to play the infamous gangster turned FBI informant, Scott Cooper’s Black Mass is now turning to another townie with the Charles in his blood. Benedict Cumberbatch—or, as the locals affectionately know him, Bentdick Cumbys—will play Depp’s brother Billy Bulger, replacing Australian actor Guy Pearce, and bringing with him a far deeper understanding of the rough-hewn Southie mindset. For example, ol’ Cumbys has been known to enjoy a littleneck vichyssoise, which is very similar to your clam chowder, and like any other chucklehead, he often wears as few as one scarf. And of course, his name, “Benedict Cumberbatch,” is common Boston slang for a girl believed to be carrying multiple venereal diseases.

Shooting for Black Mass is already underway, with Depp recently spotted wearing the hat that attracted him to this particular role,  a snug-fitting bald cap. Also on location are Joel Edgerton, Dakota Johnson, Juno Temple, Jesse Plemons, and the recently added Adam Scott, plus a couple dozen pissed-off Bostonians complaining that, not for nothing, this is fucking up traffic.

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