Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Bone Thugs-n-Harmony want to sell final album at tha crossroads of $10 million

Illustration for article titled Bone Thugs-n-Harmony want to sell final album at tha crossroads of $10 million

Bone Thugs-n-Harmony have long been pioneers in the fields of rapping very fast, spelling “the” as “tha,” and devising bone-related nicknames, and now it’s looking to cash in on that history of innovation by selling its final album for $10 million. Earlier this year, the group’s front-bone Krayzie Bone told HipHopDX that it would reunite after several years of feeling lost, like a Bone without a bone, for one last album—an album that, inspired by Wu-Tang Clan’s Once Upon A Time In Shaolin, would only be released in a single copy offered to the highest bidder.


But whereas RZA was willing to settle for the chump change of $1 million, Krayzie Bone crammed an extra $9 million in there, like so many unnecessary yet undeniably rhythmic syllables. “I thought to myself, ‘It’s not that many groups that can do something like this and have major results from it—Wu-Tang being one and us another,” a man who calls himself Krayzie Bone told HipHopDX of his line of reasoning.

Krayzie says his plan was then endorsed by Bizzy Bone, thus receiving the crucial two-fifths of the Bone vote required for it to be presented at the next Bone Thugs-n-Parliament. “’I love Wu-Tang but I think we’ll have much better results, I’m telling you,’” Krayzie Bone says Bizzie Bone told him, which was all the thuggish ruggish market research he needed. Krayzie and the group immediately upped the asking price, all the better to capitalize on the excitement of the diehard Bone Thugs-n-Harmony fanbase at seeing their favorite group’s final album sold to a bored billionaire.

“I been with Bone 20 years,” explained the group’s manager Steve Kobel, aka Phone Bone. “A million dollars is not enough. So, we’ll make the product and we’ll try to get $10 million for it. And then make something for the fans ‘cause the fans really want something. A lot of people just wanna say they did it. There’s a lot of billionaires around the world that might just say, ‘You know what? I’m gonna do it just to do it.’ They have nothing else to do with their money. They just wanna be cool.”

And now, rather than just investing it in soybean futures in a desperate attempt to be cool, they can be super cool by buying the final Bone Thugs-n-Harmony record, then taking the time machine they also have—because they are wealthy, eccentric billionaires—back to 1995, where they will be crowned king.

In related news, Eazy-E is still dead.