“I don’t do romance. My tastes are very… singular,” says the comedian and actor best known for portraying a kindly widower on a family-friendly sitcom beloved by children. Bob Saget lends the warm, affable dad voice he brought to 192 episodes of Full House and 208 more of How I Met Your Mother to a newly-released lip dub of the trailer for the theoretically erotic, S&M-themed Fifty Shades Of Grey. Not varying his tone one iota from that which he used as Danny Tanner on ABC’s vaunted TGIF lineup, Saget vocally portrays both brooding industrialist Christian Grey and eager-to-learn college journalist Anastasia Steele, as the former indoctrinates the latter into an enticing-yet-threatening world of bondage, blindfolds, and light aircraft.

By replacing the voices of Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan with that of Bob Saget, the Fifty Shades Of Grey trailer now becomes nearly indistinguishable from any given early 1990s episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos. On that series, as viewers will remember, Saget repeatedly talked over clips of toddlers hitting their fathers in the crotch with Wiffle bats. Pain as spectacle, then, has always been a cornerstone of Bob Saget’s career. The Fifty Shades lip dub merely moves the action from the backyard to the boudoir, makes the violence intentional rather than accidental, and removes children from the equation altogether. The makers of the video, Mashable’s “funny video” specialists The Watercooler, show admirable restraint by not adding exaggerated cartoon sound effects to the proceedings, with the exception of one subtle, tasteful elevator “ding!” provided by Mr. Saget himself.

[via Mashable]

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