Smashing Pumpkins' "Being Beige" video

The march of time takes its toll on us all, and nowhere is this cruel reality more evident than when watching Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan sling a “limited edition small batch artisanal tasting box” that retails at $129.95 and “is perfect for Father’s Day.”

For this endeavor, Corgan has collaborated with Farm to People, an online market of small-batch food products. The tasting box will feature tea and “vegan and paleo treats” from Corgan’s suburban Chicago tea shop, Madame ZuZu’s. If that isn’t enough to tempt consumers over the edge, three recipients will receive a personalized note from Corgan along with their order. (Unfortunately, the boxes will not be matte black and embossed with phrases like “the world is a vampire…but you don’t have to be thanks to these sustainably sourced, vegan goodies” and “melons, collard greens, and infinite almonds,” which seems like a real missed opportunity.)

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After Corgan has finished curating artisanal whatever, he’ll be hitting the road with The Smashing Pumpkins and Marilyn Manson for “The End Times Tour”, which runs July-August of this year (see a video of our recent Q&A with Corgan and Manson to learn more). Each stop on the tour will also presumably feature Manson selling handcrafted soaps.